Shelly

My dear friend Shelly passed away this last Sunday after a long battle with brain cancer.

My friendship with her was, in many ways, due to her cancer. It defined our relationship.

I had had some interactions with Shelly via an online church forum, and sort of met her in the bathroom at a wedding. My first real introduction to her was really the day before she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was pregnant with Willow. For some reason, after getting her car back to her house (b/c she couldn't drive from the pain), I felt compelled to clean her apartment. I was very pregnant and very lazy. She moved out of that apartment shortly after - her mom moved to Philly and they found a different place together.

I didn't know her well enough when she was having the surgery and the rehab, and when Willow was born, she and her mom showed up at the hospital. I was very surprised b/c, like I said, i didn't know her that well yet. She brought a baby gift - a little pink bunny. That is still Willow's favorite stuffed animal that she sleeps with every night.

We were both out of the hospital, and she couldn't drive. We started taking her to church with us. I started hanging out with her. As she got better, she would drive us places and babysit. She's the one who taught Willow how to do most things with crafts. She taught her how to use a computer. She had unending patience and a gentle spirit.

Once, she almost broke my kid. I think it was Rose. I had told her that Rose could crawl down the stairs, but Rose tried to walk down (Shelly couldn't lift her). So Rose tumbled to the bottom. She was totally fine, not even a scratch - but I did like to tease her about almost breaking my kid.

We would regularly go out for breakfast in those earlier days - I'd tell her stories about our family, and we'd joke that I needed to draw her a family tree. She repeated herself a lot, and sometimes forgot things, but honestly, I didn't know her as a different person.

She came to visit us in TX after we moved. She was sweet and patient with my grandmother - she even seemed to enjoy playing cards with my grandmother (my most dreaded chore). Even though she dealt with her own issues, she always asked after Mama T. and how she was doing. She cared deeply about how we were doing spiritually.

It meant so much to me that Willow was baptized before Shelly died. I think it really meant a lot to Shelly to know that Willow had chosen to do this, and on the day of her baptism, I was very sad that Shelly was not with us to celebrate.

I got to see her this summer. We were praying for her at church when I was overcome by grief and weeping as I hugged her. The moment passed, and after church, a group of us went out to lunch. She enjoyed drawing pictures with Willow and Rose. When we left Philly to head back to the shore, Steve said "I have a feeling that may be the last time the girls see her". And that's when it hit me. That grief I had felt at church was the grief of losing her. I think God was beginning to prepare me for that happening soon.

The Thursday before she died, I called to talk to her mom. She put Shelly on the phone. She couldn't talk - there were just quiet vocalizations. I don't even really remembered what I told her. I know I told her we loved her, and that I wanted her to rest in the arms of Jesus and to feel His peace.

The day that she died I was at church. We had just finished pre-church prayer, I went to check my phone. I had a text from a friend asking if I was going to make it out. Instantly, I knew what it was about. I got on Facebook and saw the post saying she had passed. I was with friends who had been regularly praying for her. I cried. I went to tell my girls. They were so sad. Willow, crying, said "I was just looking at a picture we drew together this morning". We hugged and felt our sadness. It was hard. It is hard to feel grief and loss, but it is necessary to feel it to move through it.

I was very thankful for Facebook that day - reading other people's remembrances helped me as I grieved.

Last year, as Shelly began to decline, she asked me if I wanted her to remove herself from the girls' lives. Without even a thought, I said "no, you are a part of our family." and she was. She was a friend, an aunt, a godmother in the spiritual sense of the word. I told the girls what Shelly had asked. They both said "Shelly is a part of our family. We love her"

She is and we do.

Food

I came across this blog entry, and it really put into words what I've felt in regards to eating with others, going out to eat, etc... It's something I really enjoy doing, but something that feels like such a high-maintenance challenge with my food avoidances.

It's been a year, or a little more, now since going gluten and dairy free. I'm also finding that potatoes are a once in a while food for me, and that eggs may be causing some issues as well.  Grr.

It may seem silly... but having a dog is helping. I can worry about her issues instead of my own ;)  Over the summer, I had to particular episodes of anxiety/panic that upon reflection when I was calm, were both related to food issues.

I've read that when you eliminate problem foods, that often they can be introduced back into the diet after allowing your gut to heal.  It's possible that I may be able to do this at some point. It's possible I could try it now... but the reality for me is that the thought of doing it at this point causes me anxiety.

So for now, it continues. Hooray.

A Dog!

The last time I had a dog as a pet, I was probably less than 6 yrs old.  I've wanted a dog for a long time. Recently, things came together in the right way at the right time for that to happen.

Now, go ahead and judge me. I didn't get my dog from a shelter. I've wanted a papillon for a long time now for a variety of reasons. I did check adoption groups, etc... but I wasn't interested in a senior dog at this time.

I found a lady online, and googled the heck out of it to make sure she wasn't a scam.  We met her a pet store on Saturday, and got a dog.

Her name is Lily. She's already bonding with me, and doing well. She's 7 months old.

And now the obsession over "is she pooping enough" begins. Fun times.

She's small - just over 3 pounds. She probably won't get much bigger. I really never saw myself as having such a small dog. Papillons can be up to 11-12 pounds. But again, a variety of factors were in play here, and when it's all said and done, i do feel like she was the right choice for many reasons.

So.

I'm a dog person now.

Or I'm a cat person that has a dog who is pretty cat-like. Haha.

Quick Update

I've gotten in such a habit of putting pictures and captions on facebook that I haven't thought to blog in awhile.

We drove across the country - which is something I swore I would never do again. The kids did great. I was a little whiny after about 48 hours in the car in total.  The time at the shore was wonderful - seeing Philly friends again after 4 years was wonderful.

I'm busy with teaching...maybe that's why I'm not blogging more - b/c the things going on that are interesting to me are things I can't share b/c of respecting people's privacy, and that's a very big chunk of life right now.

I just did some Suzuki teacher training. It was wonderful. I learned a lot, had a lot of insights.

I saved up a lot of moolah to bring my kids to Suzuki camp this week and to give them the treat of staying on campus. We're having a wonderful time. Of course both kids had meltdowns today and one kid misses Fiona the cat too much and wants to go home.

Lots of beautiful music this week, good food that I can eat and really enjoy without worry (and lots of options too), time in the swimming pool (even if that does always end in tears), and making new friends.

Of course, b/c we're at camp and have a full day tomorrow, it's 8pm and the kids are asleep and I'm on the laptop. No fireworks for us.

A Woman of a Certain Age

For some reason, upon turning 35, I began using the phrase "now that I'm a woman of a certain age".

for example:

now that i'm a woman of a certain age, i'm going to wear shoes with purple sequins on them

now that i'm a woman of a certain age, i'm going to wear a 2 piece swimsuit

you get the idea.

i guess i'm just tired of feeling self-conscious or awkward all the time. life is short. God made me who I am - God made me what I look like.

I think the turning point for me was the realization that I've lost a lot of weight these last few years. Hooray me. I weigh now what I did in high school. Hooray me. I can still look in the mirror and think I look portly.

So clearly the problem wasn't the number on the scale. I mean, it's good to be healthy, but changing how I see myself doesn't necessarily start with changing what I look like.

so, now that i'm a woman of a certain age, i think i'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Mother's Day Lunch

Today was my 4th annual Mother's Day Lunch. A lovely time was had by hostess and guests.

And now on to the food.

My aim was to only serve foods I could eat (how selfish I know), so everything was gluten and dairy free - and by nature of the recipes I found, also refined sugar free.

Strawberry Soup

(i ended up using way more strawberries than called for to give it a more strawberry taste, and then when i served it, i drizzled a little full-fat coconut milk on top in a swirly pattern)

Chicken kebabs on the grill (thanks to Steve for cooking them) with zucchini and bell peppers

Spring Mix Salad with a balsamic vinaigrette and a pomegranate vinaigrette

Bacon wrapped Asparagus (and then some sauteed asparagus on the side when I ran out of bacon)

Lemon Bars

(used extra lemon zest not called for in recipe)

Coconut Cream Pie

(added lime zest to the coconut cream layer, used coconut cream in the chocolate layer, and added vanilla to the coconut cream topping) - and so I call this one Coconut-Lime Cream Pie

Chocolate cupcakes made from a mix from King Arthur Flour company - I used this recipe idea for the chocolate frosting on top

Life

I've been busy.

It's exhausting being in the real world.

Last weekend, I turned 35.  Didn't do a whole lot because a kid had a fever.

I'm considering this coming weekend as my do-over :)

Lots o' teaching. It's fun. I just have weeny stamina for subbing and teaching and dealing with my kids.

Next week is back to normal though.

Too tired to regale you with witty stories.

zzzzzzzzz

Crafting!

I had the opportunity yesterday to hang out with two wonderful people.  Back in the Fall, I saw "A" for the first time in 10 years.  We've been hanging out about once a month as our schedules allow, and it is a wonderful thing.  "K" was my first roommate in college.  It had been about 15 years since I had seen her!  We had a great time laughing, reminiscing, and learning new things about each other. (I went to high school and college with both K and A, and was roommates with them at different times)

I was also forced to do crafts.

A is a librarian. Her library offered a card making class. Do you know me? You know I don't do crafts... but I do try to be willing to try new things.

The person in charge explains everything. I lean over to A and say "this isn't card-making, it's scrap-booking!"  Oh the horrors. There were stamps and inks and punch out things and oodles of card stock...also ribbons...and RHINESTONES.

I do have lots of friends who like to go on scrap-booking retreats...like scrap-booking for 48 hours. OMG.  I get the hanging out and the fun part of it...but so much crafting *shudder*

The person in charge had tidy packets put together to make 5 different cards (I did 4). There were printed instructions with pictures and words. There were 2 people walking around helping. With all that, I was in fact able to produce 4 lovely cards. Are they perfect? No. Are they better than anything else I've ever done craft-wise? YES!

So no, I'm not holding it against A for forcing me to craft in my free time. Haha. I suppose I can thank her for making me a better person in the long run ;)

And most importantly, amidst the crafting, there was laughter and fun.

I look forward to more visits with these lovely ladies.

Maundy Thursday

I took the girls to a Maundy Thursday service tonight - we went to the church we took Mama T. to... mainly b/c I know what to expect, it's close by, and I know how long it will last (since I'm bringing the kids past their bedtime).

It was a beautiful service - a good message on what it means that Jesus washed the disciple's feet, communion, beautiful music, beautiful prayers.

When I went 2 years ago with Mama T., the service opened with the song "Just Breathe". It moved me to tears.  Tonight, it was a blessing to me to hear it again. (i was not familiar with this song prior to that service)

And then, to top it off, the service closed with the hymn "what wondrous love is this" - I knew this song as a bluegrass hymn that I put on a bedtime CD for the girls. Even tho' we heard the regular version, they both recognized it right away.

I normally play my violin at church, and am not standing with the girls during worship. It blessed my heart tonight to stand with them and hear their sweet voices singing.

Twiddlin' Thumbs

No one has ever said to me "hey, stop working so hard"

I like to relax.

I have, however, reached my limit on relaxing. Not quite going out of my mind, but the things I might do to pass the time are things I can't do.  I'm actually feeling pretty good, but it's the twisting and the lifting, etc... that I'm avoiding.

I will however cherish these last few moments of recuperation b/c I'm going to be very (for me) busy in the next few weeks.

So here's to doing nothing....

zzzzzzzzz

Post GB Day

Surgery went well.  The nurses and staff were all very nice yesterday.  My pastor stopped by prior to surgery to pray with Mom and I.

Scar tissue was not an issue, so the surgery went quickly and smoothly. I got pictures of it too.

I do have pain, and I do have pain and nausea drugs (although a side effect of the nausea drug is...nausea).  They work and give me terrible dry mouth, which I guess is good b/c it's forcing me to stay very hydrated.

They do not help with the gas pain. (don't worry, not gas like toots) ;)  They inflate the abdomen with gas to make it easy to do what they need to do, and you just have to wait for the body to reabsorb it.  It can even cause left shoulder pain (which I did experience yesterday) b/c of how the anatomy is.

So mainly, I'm very slow moving, and I don't even want to think about bending over.

I'm holding out hope that I could teach on Monday, but I won't really know until tomorrow.

GB Day!

Today's the day.

aaahhhhhh

$%#@

Even if my kids didn't go to public school, they would be exposed to the ways of the world.

Yesterday, I got to explain the word "bitch" to the girls. It was written on something on the playground (I think - not entirely sure, but it was written somewhere outside on something)

We had a nice calm discussion about it. We talked about what it really means, how people use it, etc...

So. That was fun.

Due Date

T-minus 1 day to gallbladder surgery. It's not quite as exciting as having a baby I'm afraid.

The last time I had surgery was the c-section, and that was a pretty big deal. In comparison, this is not a big deal at all.

I'm not even that worried about the surgery itself, but there is something about general anesthesia that kind of freaks me out.

I've perhaps been bordering on the morose..."what if i die?" kind of stuff... which led me to write something for the girls to read in case I die... you know, like the stuff I want them to know in life, and stuff about sex and their bodies, and what kind of people I want them to be.

I've saved it as a file on my computer - b/c really, we never know when we're going to die, and I told Steve it's there...and I also told him he's not allowed to read it unless I'm dead b/c I'd be too embarrassed. :)

So as I'm working on this letter to the girls, I'm really forced to examine the question

"what do I want to pass on to my children?"

and also

"am I already doing these things?"

so in that sense I think it was a very worthwhile exercise... to stop and reflect on what lessons I want to pass on, and to examine how effectively i'm passing those lessons on.

Spring Break and the Gallbladder

This week is spring break for us - the girls went to Granny's for a couple of days, and we took advantage of that and the beautiful weather...We took a train ride into Fort Worth and walked around, enjoying the sites.

One of the things I really enjoyed about living in PA was the public transportation. I enjoyed riding the trolleys and the subways.   (I still don't like riding buses)  Taking the opportunity to ride the train forced us to walk around the city more than we would have otherwise. It's just a totally different experience. We enjoyed lunch in the city, went to the bookstore, and then headed back home.  There's not a whole lot to see right where we were, but it was fun nonetheless.  (pictures on Facebook)

I got the call this week for my gallbladder surgery. It'll be a week from tomorrow.  I wouldn't say that i'm particularly looking forward to it, but I am hopeful that it will help some of my issues.

The girls came home today. I don't think they missed us at all, and that's how it should be. They had a great time (as they always do with grandparents).

Today it wasn't too hot - after a morning/lunch outing with a friend and her kids, I enjoyed reading a magazine in the backyard. The simple things.

Today my heart felt full.

Back Update

The rhizotomy went well. Sedation is such a weird thing for me - having vague memories of things, but not being entirely sure...it's unsettling.

I had a lot of soreness on Friday after the procedure, but by Saturday, most of the soreness from the procedure was gone.  There is still some tenderness at the sites where the needles went in, but really only tender to the touch.  Already I'm noticing a big difference in my pain levels - and it should continue to get better over the next week or so.

Hooray!

Up next, a meeting with a surgeon Thursday morning to discuss my gallbladder.  It's as fun as a barrel of monkeys around here.

Yay!

Today's the day - rhizotomy day. Hooray! Feeling very hopeful about this procedure.

Fingers crossed :)

The Gallbladder

After a ton of back and forth with tests and medicines, etc... I got a referral today to see a surgeon (next week) about getting my gallbladder out.

Weee.

Connection

Sometimes I am struck by how different my children are from me. How different they are from each other.  This whole idea of being related but being so different is foreign to me. I'm an only child from a relatively small family.

When I look at my children, I see the strings that connect me to them, as if we each had a string tied around our wrist, and stretching out to the other.  I like purple, so it's a purple string in my mind.  If I pull too tightly on the string, it could cause them pain, or possibly even break.  If I don't leave enough slack in the string, then they won't find their own way.

So often I feel like the grouchy parent.  Last night, he was out running some errands. I was in my room watching TV, and the girls were playing.  There was laughter that quickly turned to yelling.  I got up, prepared to unleash my wrath at how rude they were being to each other.  I went to the door of their room only to find the younger tickling the elder unmercilessly. It was hilarious. I started laughing. The elder said "don't just stand there! do something already!" I couldn't, I was laughing too hard.  At one point, the younger said "let me at that tummy! let me at that tummy!" nestling her head around, trying to tickle her sister's stomach. It was too much. I laughed so hard I had tears coming down my face.

When the tickle fest came to a close, we had the obligatory talk about respecting someone else's body, etc...

I'm glad that I took the moment to observe and ultimately enjoy before going straight to the discipline.

*i normally feel stupid trying to express my feelings or inner thoughts in writing b/c they don't ever come out right - that's why i stick to stories or "here's what happened" - so this was my little foray into trying to explain what was going through my medicine-addled head as i lay here resting up from an upper respiratory infection.

Hooray!

I had a "test block" last week.  That was Wednesday. By Friday, my back was pain free - no shooting pains etc... down my legs. Hooray! I went from not being able to walk to the end of the street to be able to walk laps with my friend - we did 3 or 4 - so that's 1.5-2 miles. Yay!

The numbing medication has been wearing off, and I'm sad to feel pain again, but I know also it's possible to not feel pain. Hooray!

I have the rhizotomy procedure scheduled for a week from Friday.

I guess the good news is that we're getting ever closer to our cap on family out-of-pocket expenses. :)

The Saga of My Back

Warning...this post will contain some whining.
------

There are some people in my life, who upon reading the following statement would remark "seriously? you're kidding, right?"

I try not to complain too much about my back pain.  

I know people with really serious life-threatening issues.  I know that my problems won't kill me. I know that too much navel-gazing can be a bad thing.

Except to certain people in my life who get the full glory of my whining. Just to give you a little taste of where I'm coming from, I have been in pain every day for more than 5 years...and no, not because of a certain 5 yr old in the house (har har har).  Soon after her birth (which I theorize led to the screwed-upness of my back what with post-natal hormones surging through my body) I moved some furniture...and thus began The Saga of My Back.

I did physical therapy. I went to the chiropractor. I started having what I called my bone pain (later on realizing it was actually my nerves not my bones) which led me to a rheumatologist who basically CAT-scanned my whole body (here's to overexposure! radiation!) and determined (after almost 2 years of pain) that I had a herniated disc in my lower back.

At last! Vindication! See, my whining is based in fact and not just attention-getting or being lazy or whatever it was you might have been thinking! (the general "you", not directed at any one person)

So...what makes my back hurt? Everything. Sitting. Standing. Walking. Laying down. Exercise. Bla bla bla.

I've also tried massage therapy, muscle relaxers, pain pills (in limited amounts, don't worry)..you name it..

My back always hurts. It's my normal pain - to me, it's a 7 on a 1-10 scale. Then, on special days, my legs and feet hurt, tingle, go numb.  I assumed it was because of a pinched nerve.

Nope.

After meeting my insurance deductible with my gallbladder issues (or potential gallbladder issues, but that's another post), I decided to treat myself after more than 3 years since that visit to the rheumatologist, to seeing a "back doctor". I'm sure they have a fancy name, but that's how I refer to it. Go with me here.

Called my regular dr. to get a recommendation, they give me a name. I google the guy, and he's younger than me. (rolling eyes)

Now, I realize that doesn't mean stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm just old enough to have a competent doctor who is younger than me. Ok.

That first visit to the back dr., I was, shall we say, a bit crabby and trying not to cry. At one point, I even rolled my eyes at the doctor. I think my ending words were "cut me open and fix me".

Thankfully he didn't listen to me ;)  First step, get an MRI. So I did. No sweat. I was not bothered by the machine, and had the woman administering the MRI not kept checking in on me to make sure I was ok with the MRI, I might have napped.

Then back to the back dr.   You'll be happy to know I apologized to the nurse and the Dr. for being so crabby. The nurse said "honey, you're in pain. people in pain can be crabby. we need to get you out of pain."

I almost cried. (ok, I almost cried several times in those first 2 visits)

He went over the MRI extensively with me - as if I know what he's talking about. I had to google the words when I got home.  In a nutshell:

1. I don't have a pinched nerve anywhere. This was a big shock to me. The pain I have in my legs, etc... is referred pain - similar to how your arm or jaw hurts when you're having a heart attack.

2. I have arthritis at 3 vertebrae. This was new. I don't think my CAT-scans showed any 5+ years ago.

3. At the lowest point in the back, I have a slight herniated disc and also degenerative disc disease, also foraminal stenosis.

So. Today was the first step. I went in for a "test block". Didn't really know what I was getting into, other than he was going to stick needles in my back.

First, I got to lay face down on an exam table. The nurse pulled my pants halfway down my rear. Then, the dr. walks in and says "so, how's your week going?"

Really? Right now? Um, thumbs up was what I mustered in my moment of slight humiliation.

Then, he stuck me in 6 places with a needle and injected contrast dye.  Then went back and pushed numbing medication at those 6 points (to numb the nerves). The needles were ok. The injection part was HORRIBLE. I did not cry or scream, but I did a lot of deep breathing. and squeezing the table with claw like hands in agony. You know, just another Wednesday.

I'm supposed to call back in 48 hours to let them know how I feel. He said I might feel better on the drive home, to go home and move around and do stuff and see how I feel.

The jury's still out. I can't tell if I'm sore from the stuff, or still in pain, or feeling better. We'll see. I know it wouldn't help all my pain, but some of it.

I think the next step, if all goes well, is rhizotomy (or radio frequency ablation).(under pain management) As I understand it, he'd inject a needle into the nerve (or something), heat it up, and kill it...therefore, the nerves couldn't send their pain signals around.  I'm excited to try it if it turns out I'm a candidate for it.  We will see.

So...that is the VERY long version of what I've been up to the last few weeks (and that doesn't count the fun I've been having with the gastroenterologist over my "abdomen" issues, which may or may not be gall bladder.)

If you're still with me at the end of this long thing, feel free to pray :) That always helps.

Kids in Tow

I have lots of friends with lots of kids, and I hear the stories about comments people make, or the looks they get.

Just FYI - they're not making it up.

I'm babysitting a couple of kids today.  The ages are such that people could see us together, and it would not be inconceivable that they all belong to me.

It was my first time grocery shopping with 4 kids... almost 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2, and 18 months.

The kids did great. Let's just say we reviewed the rules a lot before going in public :)

We go to Kroger. I see lots of glances my way. That's cool. I've got a lot of kids with me. Sure, there's some noise level going on, but they're cute and all holding hands and following me around.  I'm feeling good.

We're in line, and an old white lady (yes, that detail is important to my story) is behind us. She smiles at me, "are they all yours?"

I reply no, I'm babysitting some of them.

"oh, that's too bad. I was going to congratulate on doing your part. You know we're just not replenishing ourselves like we used to, and you know, in 20 years, it's ALL going to be different" and gives me a knowing glance.

So..in case you didn't catch it, she was disappointed I hadn't had all the kids myself and done my part to continue the whites...

Oh well. I smiled and thanked her. Because really, what was I going to do.

Then, while in the same line, the old lady who is the cashier asks me if they're all mine...we go through the same thing again...then she tells me this really long story about shopping at Lowe's with little kids like 100 years ago (based on her age)... and ends it with looking at the one kid and saying "kids, what are they good for" all exasperated.

I smile and say "haha, good thing they're cute right"...b/c really, what do you say to that... and as we walk away, the kid i'm babysitting turns back and loudly says "well, SOMETIMES we Are helpful!"

Awesome! You tell her kid! I laughed - take that rude people!

Gamma Rays!

i survived my scans.

first was the ultrasound. i had the same tech as i did this summer - nice lady. she had a student tech in with her, and she kept talking about how i was such a great patient b/c you could really see my innards. :) when she finished the exam, she called nuclear medicine to see if they were ready, and they weren't, so she asked if the student could practice on me. i said sure (i mean, why not, not like i have anywhere to go) - they were so appreciative and kept complimenting my innards. haha.

then i had to wait awhile for the next scan.

the first hour of the next scan (the high-res one) was as i understand getting a baseline of my innardas. then via an IV, she injected a radioactive tracer, and then the hormone that makes the gallbladder contract.  the 2nd hour was laying there having the gallbladder contract. the most pain i felt was honestly in my back from laying there. it was EXCRUCIATING. i mentioned it, and she did give me a bigger knee pillow. i was laying under a machine called a gamma camera or gamma ray camera - kind of like an MRI machine set up.  i watched tv for awhile, took a nap, then she put on a pandora station for me to listen to. very nice lady. during the 2nd hour, i did have one of my pains - and it was interesting b/c i've always thought of it as a stomach pain that i get, but it was my gallbladder. so that's interesting to know.

i asked her if she was able to tell me anything afterwards and she said no - i said "b/c you don't know or you're not allowed to?" and she said b/c she's not allowed to. so i have to wait to talk to the doctor. my follow up is in 2 weeks, but i may call friday to see if they have the results.

on the one hand, i did expect to have more pain, but on the other hand, my back hurt so bad - who knows. i have a suspicion that it will come back as normal, which is great - but also discouraging b/c i don't think there's anything left to check.

so that was my morning. all in all not too bad. the people at the hospital are very nice, and i always have a nice experience when i'm there.

but i can't hug or cuddle the girls for the next 24 hours...b/c i'm radioactive.

(ok, maybe i'm overstating that just a bit)

and no, i don't have any *new* super powers ;)

weee!

Doctors Galore!

Upper endoscopy!
Ultrasounds!
More ultrasounds!
Possible high resolution gallbladder scan!
A trip to the back dr!

Wee!

I like to call this jaunt to all these doctors the "hey, i've met my personal deductible on my insurance so go ahead and do what you will!"

And let's begin taking bets on me going through all this and spending all this money, and the end result will be "nothing wrong with you!"

haha

2013

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

I had an upper endoscopy!

I'll spare you the details...but let's just say it was as fun as it sounds.

I've changed so many things about how I eat and drink, and it solved many of my GI issues, along with some other stuff. Yay! I'm still having reflux issues though, even with medication...hence the endoscopy.

I don't mind medical procedures - wouldn't say I'd ever get elective surgery, but if something needs to be checked out, I'm all for them checking it out.  It's only the sedation that creeps me out a little.

But no fear, I woke up as if from a lovely nap, and am still feeling dizzy hours later. Yay.

I did tell Steve he had to say "i love you" and give me a hug just in case I died. HAHAHA. I do like to be dramatic sometimes ;)

The staff was all very nice and comforting and friendly.

In a brief nutshell, the findings were (as I understand it after googling everything) GERD. *duh*  Biopsies were taken and will be discussed at my follow up in a couple of weeks.  Medicine was changed.

I told Steve today was my one day of unimpeded laziness and martyrdom - I'll be back to normal tomorrow ;)  He is granting me this one day. Haha.

Of course, I've got all the produce from the co-op, and I've got a soup I want to make, but I'll wait till tomorrow as standing for a long time is still making me feel dizzy.