Shelly

My dear friend Shelly passed away this last Sunday after a long battle with brain cancer.

My friendship with her was, in many ways, due to her cancer. It defined our relationship.

I had had some interactions with Shelly via an online church forum, and sort of met her in the bathroom at a wedding. My first real introduction to her was really the day before she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was pregnant with Willow. For some reason, after getting her car back to her house (b/c she couldn't drive from the pain), I felt compelled to clean her apartment. I was very pregnant and very lazy. She moved out of that apartment shortly after - her mom moved to Philly and they found a different place together.

I didn't know her well enough when she was having the surgery and the rehab, and when Willow was born, she and her mom showed up at the hospital. I was very surprised b/c, like I said, i didn't know her that well yet. She brought a baby gift - a little pink bunny. That is still Willow's favorite stuffed animal that she sleeps with every night.

We were both out of the hospital, and she couldn't drive. We started taking her to church with us. I started hanging out with her. As she got better, she would drive us places and babysit. She's the one who taught Willow how to do most things with crafts. She taught her how to use a computer. She had unending patience and a gentle spirit.

Once, she almost broke my kid. I think it was Rose. I had told her that Rose could crawl down the stairs, but Rose tried to walk down (Shelly couldn't lift her). So Rose tumbled to the bottom. She was totally fine, not even a scratch - but I did like to tease her about almost breaking my kid.

We would regularly go out for breakfast in those earlier days - I'd tell her stories about our family, and we'd joke that I needed to draw her a family tree. She repeated herself a lot, and sometimes forgot things, but honestly, I didn't know her as a different person.

She came to visit us in TX after we moved. She was sweet and patient with my grandmother - she even seemed to enjoy playing cards with my grandmother (my most dreaded chore). Even though she dealt with her own issues, she always asked after Mama T. and how she was doing. She cared deeply about how we were doing spiritually.

It meant so much to me that Willow was baptized before Shelly died. I think it really meant a lot to Shelly to know that Willow had chosen to do this, and on the day of her baptism, I was very sad that Shelly was not with us to celebrate.

I got to see her this summer. We were praying for her at church when I was overcome by grief and weeping as I hugged her. The moment passed, and after church, a group of us went out to lunch. She enjoyed drawing pictures with Willow and Rose. When we left Philly to head back to the shore, Steve said "I have a feeling that may be the last time the girls see her". And that's when it hit me. That grief I had felt at church was the grief of losing her. I think God was beginning to prepare me for that happening soon.

The Thursday before she died, I called to talk to her mom. She put Shelly on the phone. She couldn't talk - there were just quiet vocalizations. I don't even really remembered what I told her. I know I told her we loved her, and that I wanted her to rest in the arms of Jesus and to feel His peace.

The day that she died I was at church. We had just finished pre-church prayer, I went to check my phone. I had a text from a friend asking if I was going to make it out. Instantly, I knew what it was about. I got on Facebook and saw the post saying she had passed. I was with friends who had been regularly praying for her. I cried. I went to tell my girls. They were so sad. Willow, crying, said "I was just looking at a picture we drew together this morning". We hugged and felt our sadness. It was hard. It is hard to feel grief and loss, but it is necessary to feel it to move through it.

I was very thankful for Facebook that day - reading other people's remembrances helped me as I grieved.

Last year, as Shelly began to decline, she asked me if I wanted her to remove herself from the girls' lives. Without even a thought, I said "no, you are a part of our family." and she was. She was a friend, an aunt, a godmother in the spiritual sense of the word. I told the girls what Shelly had asked. They both said "Shelly is a part of our family. We love her"

She is and we do.