After a ton of back and forth with tests and medicines, etc... I got a referral today to see a surgeon (next week) about getting my gallbladder out.
Weee.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Connection
Sometimes I am struck by how different my children are from me. How different they are from each other. This whole idea of being related but being so different is foreign to me. I'm an only child from a relatively small family.
When I look at my children, I see the strings that connect me to them, as if we each had a string tied around our wrist, and stretching out to the other. I like purple, so it's a purple string in my mind. If I pull too tightly on the string, it could cause them pain, or possibly even break. If I don't leave enough slack in the string, then they won't find their own way.
So often I feel like the grouchy parent. Last night, he was out running some errands. I was in my room watching TV, and the girls were playing. There was laughter that quickly turned to yelling. I got up, prepared to unleash my wrath at how rude they were being to each other. I went to the door of their room only to find the younger tickling the elder unmercilessly. It was hilarious. I started laughing. The elder said "don't just stand there! do something already!" I couldn't, I was laughing too hard. At one point, the younger said "let me at that tummy! let me at that tummy!" nestling her head around, trying to tickle her sister's stomach. It was too much. I laughed so hard I had tears coming down my face.
When the tickle fest came to a close, we had the obligatory talk about respecting someone else's body, etc...
I'm glad that I took the moment to observe and ultimately enjoy before going straight to the discipline.
*i normally feel stupid trying to express my feelings or inner thoughts in writing b/c they don't ever come out right - that's why i stick to stories or "here's what happened" - so this was my little foray into trying to explain what was going through my medicine-addled head as i lay here resting up from an upper respiratory infection.
When I look at my children, I see the strings that connect me to them, as if we each had a string tied around our wrist, and stretching out to the other. I like purple, so it's a purple string in my mind. If I pull too tightly on the string, it could cause them pain, or possibly even break. If I don't leave enough slack in the string, then they won't find their own way.
So often I feel like the grouchy parent. Last night, he was out running some errands. I was in my room watching TV, and the girls were playing. There was laughter that quickly turned to yelling. I got up, prepared to unleash my wrath at how rude they were being to each other. I went to the door of their room only to find the younger tickling the elder unmercilessly. It was hilarious. I started laughing. The elder said "don't just stand there! do something already!" I couldn't, I was laughing too hard. At one point, the younger said "let me at that tummy! let me at that tummy!" nestling her head around, trying to tickle her sister's stomach. It was too much. I laughed so hard I had tears coming down my face.
When the tickle fest came to a close, we had the obligatory talk about respecting someone else's body, etc...
I'm glad that I took the moment to observe and ultimately enjoy before going straight to the discipline.
*i normally feel stupid trying to express my feelings or inner thoughts in writing b/c they don't ever come out right - that's why i stick to stories or "here's what happened" - so this was my little foray into trying to explain what was going through my medicine-addled head as i lay here resting up from an upper respiratory infection.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Hooray!
I had a "test block" last week. That was Wednesday. By Friday, my back was pain free - no shooting pains etc... down my legs. Hooray! I went from not being able to walk to the end of the street to be able to walk laps with my friend - we did 3 or 4 - so that's 1.5-2 miles. Yay!
The numbing medication has been wearing off, and I'm sad to feel pain again, but I know also it's possible to not feel pain. Hooray!
I have the rhizotomy procedure scheduled for a week from Friday.
I guess the good news is that we're getting ever closer to our cap on family out-of-pocket expenses. :)
The numbing medication has been wearing off, and I'm sad to feel pain again, but I know also it's possible to not feel pain. Hooray!
I have the rhizotomy procedure scheduled for a week from Friday.
I guess the good news is that we're getting ever closer to our cap on family out-of-pocket expenses. :)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Saga of My Back
Warning...this post will contain some whining.
------
There are some people in my life, who upon reading the following statement would remark "seriously? you're kidding, right?"
I try not to complain too much about my back pain.
I know people with really serious life-threatening issues. I know that my problems won't kill me. I know that too much navel-gazing can be a bad thing.
Except to certain people in my life who get the full glory of my whining. Just to give you a little taste of where I'm coming from, I have been in pain every day for more than 5 years...and no, not because of a certain 5 yr old in the house (har har har). Soon after her birth (which I theorize led to the screwed-upness of my back what with post-natal hormones surging through my body) I moved some furniture...and thus began The Saga of My Back.
I did physical therapy. I went to the chiropractor. I started having what I called my bone pain (later on realizing it was actually my nerves not my bones) which led me to a rheumatologist who basically CAT-scanned my whole body (here's to overexposure! radiation!) and determined (after almost 2 years of pain) that I had a herniated disc in my lower back.
At last! Vindication! See, my whining is based in fact and not just attention-getting or being lazy or whatever it was you might have been thinking! (the general "you", not directed at any one person)
So...what makes my back hurt? Everything. Sitting. Standing. Walking. Laying down. Exercise. Bla bla bla.
I've also tried massage therapy, muscle relaxers, pain pills (in limited amounts, don't worry)..you name it..
My back always hurts. It's my normal pain - to me, it's a 7 on a 1-10 scale. Then, on special days, my legs and feet hurt, tingle, go numb. I assumed it was because of a pinched nerve.
Nope.
After meeting my insurance deductible with my gallbladder issues (or potential gallbladder issues, but that's another post), I decided to treat myself after more than 3 years since that visit to the rheumatologist, to seeing a "back doctor". I'm sure they have a fancy name, but that's how I refer to it. Go with me here.
Called my regular dr. to get a recommendation, they give me a name. I google the guy, and he's younger than me. (rolling eyes)
Now, I realize that doesn't mean stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm just old enough to have a competent doctor who is younger than me. Ok.
That first visit to the back dr., I was, shall we say, a bit crabby and trying not to cry. At one point, I even rolled my eyes at the doctor. I think my ending words were "cut me open and fix me".
Thankfully he didn't listen to me ;) First step, get an MRI. So I did. No sweat. I was not bothered by the machine, and had the woman administering the MRI not kept checking in on me to make sure I was ok with the MRI, I might have napped.
Then back to the back dr. You'll be happy to know I apologized to the nurse and the Dr. for being so crabby. The nurse said "honey, you're in pain. people in pain can be crabby. we need to get you out of pain."
I almost cried. (ok, I almost cried several times in those first 2 visits)
He went over the MRI extensively with me - as if I know what he's talking about. I had to google the words when I got home. In a nutshell:
1. I don't have a pinched nerve anywhere. This was a big shock to me. The pain I have in my legs, etc... is referred pain - similar to how your arm or jaw hurts when you're having a heart attack.
2. I have arthritis at 3 vertebrae. This was new. I don't think my CAT-scans showed any 5+ years ago.
3. At the lowest point in the back, I have a slight herniated disc and also degenerative disc disease, also foraminal stenosis.
So. Today was the first step. I went in for a "test block". Didn't really know what I was getting into, other than he was going to stick needles in my back.
First, I got to lay face down on an exam table. The nurse pulled my pants halfway down my rear. Then, the dr. walks in and says "so, how's your week going?"
Really? Right now? Um, thumbs up was what I mustered in my moment of slight humiliation.
Then, he stuck me in 6 places with a needle and injected contrast dye. Then went back and pushed numbing medication at those 6 points (to numb the nerves). The needles were ok. The injection part was HORRIBLE. I did not cry or scream, but I did a lot of deep breathing. and squeezing the table with claw like hands in agony. You know, just another Wednesday.
I'm supposed to call back in 48 hours to let them know how I feel. He said I might feel better on the drive home, to go home and move around and do stuff and see how I feel.
The jury's still out. I can't tell if I'm sore from the stuff, or still in pain, or feeling better. We'll see. I know it wouldn't help all my pain, but some of it.
I think the next step, if all goes well, is rhizotomy (or radio frequency ablation).(under pain management) As I understand it, he'd inject a needle into the nerve (or something), heat it up, and kill it...therefore, the nerves couldn't send their pain signals around. I'm excited to try it if it turns out I'm a candidate for it. We will see.
So...that is the VERY long version of what I've been up to the last few weeks (and that doesn't count the fun I've been having with the gastroenterologist over my "abdomen" issues, which may or may not be gall bladder.)
If you're still with me at the end of this long thing, feel free to pray :) That always helps.
------
There are some people in my life, who upon reading the following statement would remark "seriously? you're kidding, right?"
I try not to complain too much about my back pain.
I know people with really serious life-threatening issues. I know that my problems won't kill me. I know that too much navel-gazing can be a bad thing.
Except to certain people in my life who get the full glory of my whining. Just to give you a little taste of where I'm coming from, I have been in pain every day for more than 5 years...and no, not because of a certain 5 yr old in the house (har har har). Soon after her birth (which I theorize led to the screwed-upness of my back what with post-natal hormones surging through my body) I moved some furniture...and thus began The Saga of My Back.
I did physical therapy. I went to the chiropractor. I started having what I called my bone pain (later on realizing it was actually my nerves not my bones) which led me to a rheumatologist who basically CAT-scanned my whole body (here's to overexposure! radiation!) and determined (after almost 2 years of pain) that I had a herniated disc in my lower back.
At last! Vindication! See, my whining is based in fact and not just attention-getting or being lazy or whatever it was you might have been thinking! (the general "you", not directed at any one person)
So...what makes my back hurt? Everything. Sitting. Standing. Walking. Laying down. Exercise. Bla bla bla.
I've also tried massage therapy, muscle relaxers, pain pills (in limited amounts, don't worry)..you name it..
My back always hurts. It's my normal pain - to me, it's a 7 on a 1-10 scale. Then, on special days, my legs and feet hurt, tingle, go numb. I assumed it was because of a pinched nerve.
Nope.
After meeting my insurance deductible with my gallbladder issues (or potential gallbladder issues, but that's another post), I decided to treat myself after more than 3 years since that visit to the rheumatologist, to seeing a "back doctor". I'm sure they have a fancy name, but that's how I refer to it. Go with me here.
Called my regular dr. to get a recommendation, they give me a name. I google the guy, and he's younger than me. (rolling eyes)
Now, I realize that doesn't mean stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm just old enough to have a competent doctor who is younger than me. Ok.
That first visit to the back dr., I was, shall we say, a bit crabby and trying not to cry. At one point, I even rolled my eyes at the doctor. I think my ending words were "cut me open and fix me".
Thankfully he didn't listen to me ;) First step, get an MRI. So I did. No sweat. I was not bothered by the machine, and had the woman administering the MRI not kept checking in on me to make sure I was ok with the MRI, I might have napped.
Then back to the back dr. You'll be happy to know I apologized to the nurse and the Dr. for being so crabby. The nurse said "honey, you're in pain. people in pain can be crabby. we need to get you out of pain."
I almost cried. (ok, I almost cried several times in those first 2 visits)
He went over the MRI extensively with me - as if I know what he's talking about. I had to google the words when I got home. In a nutshell:
1. I don't have a pinched nerve anywhere. This was a big shock to me. The pain I have in my legs, etc... is referred pain - similar to how your arm or jaw hurts when you're having a heart attack.
2. I have arthritis at 3 vertebrae. This was new. I don't think my CAT-scans showed any 5+ years ago.
3. At the lowest point in the back, I have a slight herniated disc and also degenerative disc disease, also foraminal stenosis.
So. Today was the first step. I went in for a "test block". Didn't really know what I was getting into, other than he was going to stick needles in my back.
First, I got to lay face down on an exam table. The nurse pulled my pants halfway down my rear. Then, the dr. walks in and says "so, how's your week going?"
Really? Right now? Um, thumbs up was what I mustered in my moment of slight humiliation.
Then, he stuck me in 6 places with a needle and injected contrast dye. Then went back and pushed numbing medication at those 6 points (to numb the nerves). The needles were ok. The injection part was HORRIBLE. I did not cry or scream, but I did a lot of deep breathing. and squeezing the table with claw like hands in agony. You know, just another Wednesday.
I'm supposed to call back in 48 hours to let them know how I feel. He said I might feel better on the drive home, to go home and move around and do stuff and see how I feel.
The jury's still out. I can't tell if I'm sore from the stuff, or still in pain, or feeling better. We'll see. I know it wouldn't help all my pain, but some of it.
I think the next step, if all goes well, is rhizotomy (or radio frequency ablation).(under pain management) As I understand it, he'd inject a needle into the nerve (or something), heat it up, and kill it...therefore, the nerves couldn't send their pain signals around. I'm excited to try it if it turns out I'm a candidate for it. We will see.
So...that is the VERY long version of what I've been up to the last few weeks (and that doesn't count the fun I've been having with the gastroenterologist over my "abdomen" issues, which may or may not be gall bladder.)
If you're still with me at the end of this long thing, feel free to pray :) That always helps.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Kids in Tow
I have lots of friends with lots of kids, and I hear the stories about comments people make, or the looks they get.
Just FYI - they're not making it up.
I'm babysitting a couple of kids today. The ages are such that people could see us together, and it would not be inconceivable that they all belong to me.
It was my first time grocery shopping with 4 kids... almost 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2, and 18 months.
The kids did great. Let's just say we reviewed the rules a lot before going in public :)
We go to Kroger. I see lots of glances my way. That's cool. I've got a lot of kids with me. Sure, there's some noise level going on, but they're cute and all holding hands and following me around. I'm feeling good.
We're in line, and an old white lady (yes, that detail is important to my story) is behind us. She smiles at me, "are they all yours?"
I reply no, I'm babysitting some of them.
"oh, that's too bad. I was going to congratulate on doing your part. You know we're just not replenishing ourselves like we used to, and you know, in 20 years, it's ALL going to be different" and gives me a knowing glance.
So..in case you didn't catch it, she was disappointed I hadn't had all the kids myself and done my part to continue the whites...
Oh well. I smiled and thanked her. Because really, what was I going to do.
Then, while in the same line, the old lady who is the cashier asks me if they're all mine...we go through the same thing again...then she tells me this really long story about shopping at Lowe's with little kids like 100 years ago (based on her age)... and ends it with looking at the one kid and saying "kids, what are they good for" all exasperated.
I smile and say "haha, good thing they're cute right"...b/c really, what do you say to that... and as we walk away, the kid i'm babysitting turns back and loudly says "well, SOMETIMES we Are helpful!"
Awesome! You tell her kid! I laughed - take that rude people!
Just FYI - they're not making it up.
I'm babysitting a couple of kids today. The ages are such that people could see us together, and it would not be inconceivable that they all belong to me.
It was my first time grocery shopping with 4 kids... almost 8, 6 1/2, 5 1/2, and 18 months.
The kids did great. Let's just say we reviewed the rules a lot before going in public :)
We go to Kroger. I see lots of glances my way. That's cool. I've got a lot of kids with me. Sure, there's some noise level going on, but they're cute and all holding hands and following me around. I'm feeling good.
We're in line, and an old white lady (yes, that detail is important to my story) is behind us. She smiles at me, "are they all yours?"
I reply no, I'm babysitting some of them.
"oh, that's too bad. I was going to congratulate on doing your part. You know we're just not replenishing ourselves like we used to, and you know, in 20 years, it's ALL going to be different" and gives me a knowing glance.
So..in case you didn't catch it, she was disappointed I hadn't had all the kids myself and done my part to continue the whites...
Oh well. I smiled and thanked her. Because really, what was I going to do.
Then, while in the same line, the old lady who is the cashier asks me if they're all mine...we go through the same thing again...then she tells me this really long story about shopping at Lowe's with little kids like 100 years ago (based on her age)... and ends it with looking at the one kid and saying "kids, what are they good for" all exasperated.
I smile and say "haha, good thing they're cute right"...b/c really, what do you say to that... and as we walk away, the kid i'm babysitting turns back and loudly says "well, SOMETIMES we Are helpful!"
Awesome! You tell her kid! I laughed - take that rude people!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Gamma Rays!
i survived my scans.
first was the ultrasound. i had the same tech as i did this summer - nice lady. she had a student tech in with her, and she kept talking about how i was such a great patient b/c you could really see my innards. :) when she finished the exam, she called nuclear medicine to see if they were ready, and they weren't, so she asked if the student could practice on me. i said sure (i mean, why not, not like i have anywhere to go) - they were so appreciative and kept complimenting my innards. haha.
then i had to wait awhile for the next scan.
the first hour of the next scan (the high-res one) was as i understand getting a baseline of my innardas. then via an IV, she injected a radioactive tracer, and then the hormone that makes the gallbladder contract. the 2nd hour was laying there having the gallbladder contract. the most pain i felt was honestly in my back from laying there. it was EXCRUCIATING. i mentioned it, and she did give me a bigger knee pillow. i was laying under a machine called a gamma camera or gamma ray camera - kind of like an MRI machine set up. i watched tv for awhile, took a nap, then she put on a pandora station for me to listen to. very nice lady. during the 2nd hour, i did have one of my pains - and it was interesting b/c i've always thought of it as a stomach pain that i get, but it was my gallbladder. so that's interesting to know.
i asked her if she was able to tell me anything afterwards and she said no - i said "b/c you don't know or you're not allowed to?" and she said b/c she's not allowed to. so i have to wait to talk to the doctor. my follow up is in 2 weeks, but i may call friday to see if they have the results.
on the one hand, i did expect to have more pain, but on the other hand, my back hurt so bad - who knows. i have a suspicion that it will come back as normal, which is great - but also discouraging b/c i don't think there's anything left to check.
so that was my morning. all in all not too bad. the people at the hospital are very nice, and i always have a nice experience when i'm there.
but i can't hug or cuddle the girls for the next 24 hours...b/c i'm radioactive.
(ok, maybe i'm overstating that just a bit)
and no, i don't have any *new* super powers ;)
weee!
first was the ultrasound. i had the same tech as i did this summer - nice lady. she had a student tech in with her, and she kept talking about how i was such a great patient b/c you could really see my innards. :) when she finished the exam, she called nuclear medicine to see if they were ready, and they weren't, so she asked if the student could practice on me. i said sure (i mean, why not, not like i have anywhere to go) - they were so appreciative and kept complimenting my innards. haha.
then i had to wait awhile for the next scan.
the first hour of the next scan (the high-res one) was as i understand getting a baseline of my innardas. then via an IV, she injected a radioactive tracer, and then the hormone that makes the gallbladder contract. the 2nd hour was laying there having the gallbladder contract. the most pain i felt was honestly in my back from laying there. it was EXCRUCIATING. i mentioned it, and she did give me a bigger knee pillow. i was laying under a machine called a gamma camera or gamma ray camera - kind of like an MRI machine set up. i watched tv for awhile, took a nap, then she put on a pandora station for me to listen to. very nice lady. during the 2nd hour, i did have one of my pains - and it was interesting b/c i've always thought of it as a stomach pain that i get, but it was my gallbladder. so that's interesting to know.
i asked her if she was able to tell me anything afterwards and she said no - i said "b/c you don't know or you're not allowed to?" and she said b/c she's not allowed to. so i have to wait to talk to the doctor. my follow up is in 2 weeks, but i may call friday to see if they have the results.
on the one hand, i did expect to have more pain, but on the other hand, my back hurt so bad - who knows. i have a suspicion that it will come back as normal, which is great - but also discouraging b/c i don't think there's anything left to check.
so that was my morning. all in all not too bad. the people at the hospital are very nice, and i always have a nice experience when i'm there.
but i can't hug or cuddle the girls for the next 24 hours...b/c i'm radioactive.
(ok, maybe i'm overstating that just a bit)
and no, i don't have any *new* super powers ;)
weee!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Doctors Galore!
Upper endoscopy!
Ultrasounds!
More ultrasounds!
Possible high resolution gallbladder scan!
A trip to the back dr!
Wee!
I like to call this jaunt to all these doctors the "hey, i've met my personal deductible on my insurance so go ahead and do what you will!"
And let's begin taking bets on me going through all this and spending all this money, and the end result will be "nothing wrong with you!"
haha
Ultrasounds!
More ultrasounds!
Possible high resolution gallbladder scan!
A trip to the back dr!
Wee!
I like to call this jaunt to all these doctors the "hey, i've met my personal deductible on my insurance so go ahead and do what you will!"
And let's begin taking bets on me going through all this and spending all this money, and the end result will be "nothing wrong with you!"
haha
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