A holy thought

When I had the rhizotomy procedure on my back, it was supposed to last for 6 months.  It went well beyond that, and I am so grateful. It is a good thing to remember how bad things were and how much it was helped.

Especially now.  These last few months, the back has definitely been feeling it.  It's not the nerve pain down my legs, just the regular arthritis, degenerative disc, overuse of muscle pain.

I get frustrated because it seems like there aren't many options for me.  I can't do pain pills for a variety of reasons...plus it's not a long term solution...I need to get a good chiropractor and/or masseuse, but that just alleviates, doesn't fix. Whine whine whine. 

After Christmas, Steve hurt his back pretty badly.  He's got a big fancy brace and gets to take medicines, and hopefully they will be able to fix him.  And so in my selfishness, I'm like "hey, that's no fair!"

It's stupid I know.

So last week was kind of emotional for me.  I found myself getting angry a lot.  What I came to realize was that because I was in so much pain, I had nothing left, and therefore my fuse was super short.

I asked for lots of prayer on Sunday, both for myself and for Steve.  After they prayed for awhile, I was asked if I felt anything.  No... But I did have this picture come to mind...

I was browsing around the internet, wasting time...it was one of those. "Here's what you can do with your leftover crap" picture things.  One picture was a fence that had a lot of holes in it. The holes were filled in with glass stones or marbles.

So here's my thought.  What if God is calling me to live with pain? Even if it's just for another month, that's a long time when you are in pain...and what if it's ten years like my mom before she found healing...or what if it's the rest of my life...am I doomed to be a grumpy pain in the butt to my loved ones? I don't think anyone wants that.

So I'm the hole-y fence, and Jesus is going to fill in the holes with beauty...with jewels..with whatever...he's going to fill in the gaps because as a fence, I can't grow new parts. 

So theres my deep and and holy thought for the day.